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Wings of Steel - Chapter 6: To influance

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Chapter six: To influence

Facing the setting sun Zoltus perched in solitude on the treetop of the evergreen conifer that had rooted it's self into the top of Ignites stony cave. His bold, heavily barred feathers gently shifted in the light breeze and lit up against the fiery tones of the looming twilight sky. The tightly folded edges of his double hinged claws shone an intense off white, their smooth polished chrome faces reflected the various hues of the flushed clouds. With pastel gold eyes glinting harshly like the flames of The Dry set ablaze he gazed deeply into the furious scarlet sun, feeling its raw hostility bearing down on his insignificant figure it made his gizzard lurch with raw anxiety. He vividly remembered the dark plumes of heavy smoke rising into the troubled sky, the roaring, the crackling of the monstrous flames engulfing the lanky trees that groaned and creaked under the infernos fury. He could never forget the infamous pure white heart shaped faces of those haunting owls, with their polished eyes as hard as frosted stones behind their gleaming helmets of steel, a symbol of pure death.

"Zoltus!" exuberantly called out Ignite breaking the brittle silence while he circled his way up around the broad tree, "How did it go ye old hoot?" he joyfully asked alighting down on a bristly branch just below Zoltus's left, the reedy branch curved downwards under his heavy frame.

Zoltus looked glumly down at his cheerful old friend who turned his head to look out towards the hazy forest before him, "The Pure Ones…" he hesitated, Ignites ear tufts stood up in a puzzled manner, "Three of them, Arxcis with two others I have never seen before, all of them where in full armour set light to The Dry. Lucky for it being too cold and the fact that the wind was blowing east across the Zephyr Plains the fire did not spread to the surrounding trees," he said grimly with a sigh of disbelief.

Ignite quickly snapped his head around and looked up sharply at his close friend, the warm, ambient light instantly caught his thick crystal clear cornea. His fluffy breast and ragged facial feathers where completely coated in a thin layer of dusty black soot from his embers, only his intense dark orange eyes pierced through. After the news finally sunk into Ignites stubborn mind his black and brown ear tufts swept back like feathered ears of a frightened dog, he could not believe that the Pure Ones had actually returned to wreak havoc on the balance of life once again.

Zoltus turned his head away and looked at the radiant sunset that casted golden beams of light upwards through the gathering slate grey clouds, "I think Eve needs her own pair of battle claws so she can defend herself when she is older. I sense that things could get bad soon," dismally said Zoltus drifting into his own thoughts.

Zoltus looked over his folded wing at Ignite who quickly grew very still and his expression hardened over, he knew that the absurd idea was not going to sit well with him.

"No!" boomed Ignite, suddenly puffing up his dark feathers almost stood on end, "Absolutely not!"

Zoltus suddenly flapped his wings wildly in a desperate attempt to keep Ignite at peace, "Shh… Great Glaux Ignite, be quiet."

Ignite ignoring Zoltus took a deep breath, his densely feathered throat puffed out before he scowled at Zoltus and arrogantly turned his head to look in the other direction, "The last thin' we need is'a bloodthirsty fledglin' after those who slaughtered her parents!" fumed Ignite.

Zoltus's thick layer of feathers wilfed closer to his skin, "She would be killed if they ever came to take her away," defended Zoltus weakly, he felt Ignites concern and his own weakness in his flawed argument, inhaling slowly he continued in a stronger tone, "She must learn to fight… Yes, I hate the thought of it as much as you."

As Ignite stared at the grand forest shrouded in damp fog before him he slowly shook his head in sorrowful disbelief knowing deep inside he old gizzard that Zoltus was right, those birds where forever getting close to their goal and they were not prepared to give up any time soon. The almighty eye of fire had almost completely tucked it's self behind the coniferous forest lined horizon; Ignite knew this only as the cue for Eve to awaken into the cruel enigmatic world around her that grew cold to her touch. She would often wake up early due to mystifying nightmares of a dark, timeless void that stretched out beyond the eye could see. The dreams had started just after her hollow was unsuccessfully raided by the Pure Ones on Marks fathers order as his father is an ex Pure One. After Mark was banned from the hollow he complained to his feather who then promised to bring Eve back to him. The best and only thing they could do to protect Eve was to hide her away from the open world, to conceal her within the murky clearing surrounded by dense conifers and fog. There was no other option they could think of, to stand and fight they would be surely be killed in an blink of an eye and Eve taken away from them forever, never to be seen or heard from again. Thinking, Ignite shifted his feet on the thin, flexible branch. Exhaling heavily his warm breath hit the frigid night air like misty vapour, his translucent third eyelids swept effortlessly over his crystal clear eyes that glinted in the last drop of light. He already began to regret what he was about to say.

Ignite looked up at Zoltus despondently, his grey feathers swaying lightly in the cool breeze, and paused for a brief moment to watch him ruminate, "I am," Ignite gravely began, hesitating to talk. With a regretful sigh, he tried to shake the absurd idea from his tense mind, "I am goin' to need to find some bonk coals, I ran out of 'em a while back. I need 'em to forge the claws an' only place I can get'em from tis' the dreaded Dry." Ignite sighed, looking away in shame, for he never imagined himself making cold nickel weapons of death for a tiny fledgling who had just barely learned to fly. It was downright unspeakable."
Zoltus looked at the side of Ignites feathered face which he could clearly see was stricken with great concern; his deep orange where fixated on the darkening forest.

Zoltus knew deep down inside his gizzard that he made a bad choice, but it was the only choice he and Ignite had, "You should get going soon, before Eve wakes up. I will stay with Eve while you are out, but be quick she is going to quickly wonder where you are. Personality, I think she has a vague idea of where and what I did today, she is not as stupid as some may think; I have noticed she is rather cunning in her own ways. She is also sadly in the support of the Pure Ones; if anything she will draw herself to them under her own will."

Ignite gave Zoltus a hard stare of honesty, "I will, you know you can rely on me," said Ignite glaring at Zoltus who went quiet and took Ignites word, "I'll go'an grab my bucket'n claws an' be off to The Dry, don't worry about me, I can take care of'em oddly opinionated birds who haven't got a gizzard to share between'em," chuckled Ignite to himself showing his age, his feathers shook as he bobbed on the thin branch.

Zoltus knew that Ignite had been like this as long as he knew him and he was not going to change his attitude any time soon for anyone, not even if the Pure Ones enforces their iron laws upon him, he would die standing up for what he believed in.

"Zoltus, you know me," solemnly said Ignite, his deep orange eyes as vibrant as the setting sun locked with Zoltus's mild gold ones, "I haven' known you for eight years for nothin'," said Ignite before spreading his awesome wings out into the chilled air, with one powerful down stroke he took to the twilight sky, the dry soot shook off from his feathers and whirled effortlessly into the open air.

Ignite threw one last glance under his barred wing at the small grey owl who in response gave a firm nod of reassurance as he watched his good friend disappear into the darkening haze of nightfall that quickly began to fall across the land. Ignite veered off sharply to the right, silently he tipped into an angled dive before half folding his wings close to his body, the icy air rushed passed him as it flowed through the fine fimbriae of his feathers. Suddenly extending his wings out they caught the air like feathered sails, levelling out feet from the damp ground he fluttered down landing on the soggy gravel with a wet crunch. Trying to peer through the thick fog and into his gloomy cave he caught a glimpse of Eve's faded ghost like figure through a gap in the fog. Walking in through the fog he saw she was perched sound asleep on the edge of his cold cast iron anvil, the fine white feathers of her tucked in facial disc stood out from the darkness. Dreaming her dark, morbid dreams of an unexplainable empty void she stood on one wispy feathered leg with all her freshly grown plumage puffed up to keep herself warm from the bitter drafts that drifted their way in from the mouth of the cave and spaces between the slated stones.  Walking closer towards Eve he glanced around his forge. It did not warmly light the cold unwelcoming cave with its soothing glow of soft orange shades and comforting heat as usual, nor did it give the shiny polished metals their hard glowing edges. Instead it sat dormant in the cold darkness covered by a thin tin sheet and forgotten under an even blanket of dusty black soot. The cloudy fog gradually began to roll its way into the cave, filling the cave like light steam it peeled off from the outside like clouds breaking away from each other in the blistering wind.

As Ignite watched Eve sleeping peacefully he noticed there was barely a scrap of fuzzy down left on her newly fledged feathers. Her heart shaped facial disc was a brilliant white and evenly rimmed with burnt amber all the way around her face with wheat buff patches around the corners of her black glossy eyes. Her crown down to her lower nape was mostly auburn with a few random patches of charcoal, buff and white with small white spots; from her crown-upper nape she had a wide ridge of feathers like a drawn back Mohawk that gradually faded down out towards her lower nape. Her upper breast was light corn silk compared to her lower breast, belly, tail coverts and buzzy legs which where all the same white as her facial disc with small black dots on her belly fading out down her thinly feathered legs. Her flanks where a light ivory almost white which continued throughout the rest of her ventral wing, fading out to white towards her inside wing. Her dorsal plumage was a lighter tone of auburn compared to her crown and nape but with denser random patches of dark brown, buff and white with small white and black spots.

Ignite looked away before calmly shaking his head in disbelief, groaning his warm breath hit the frosty air turning into mist, "Eh… I told her to stay off there," he muttered to himself, passing Eve he made his way around the left side of his forge.

Eve suddenly snapped open her finely feathered eyelids revealing her poignant jet black eyes. Staring through the stony mouth of the dusty cave she waited for her eyes to focus on the fog gradually rolling gently across the dew covered grass. Her attention was then pricked by the distinctive sound of hollow metal objects being moved behind her, followed by a familiar heartbeat; she instantly knew it was Ignite preparing his forge.

Turning her head smoothly to the right she looked over her folded wing at Ignite picking up a deep nickel bucket by the handle with his beak.

Observing him a crude idea popped into Eves' wicked mind, and slowly a smirk full of mischief crept across her beak, "Good tween. No?" eerily asked Eve in a smooth unemotional tone followed by a low snicker.

Gasping in shock Ignite let go of the bucket which hit the solid stone floor with an ear resonating 'dongggnnnggg' causing Eve to jolt upwards. As the bucket rolled back and forth on its side in a semi-circle it crushed the sandy dirt beneath making a crusty noise. On edge Eve cautiously leaned forward and watched the bucket closely as it gradually rolled to a stop. Ignite groaned out of irritation and his expression darkened over, in response Eve took a small timid step back she could tell that he was not in the best of moods.

Ignite swiftly turned around with his large talons striking against the floor, looking seriously up at Eve his intense gaze was as sharp as the claws he forged, "Oh, for the good of Glaux, Eve!" snapped Ignite, Eve took another timid step back to the edge of his anvil with her eyes glued onto Ignite, "Don't do that again!"

-----/////-----

Meanwhile, high above Ignites cave and above a thick layer of fog Zoltus perched on the treetop in the afterglow of dusk. Relaxing peacefully he was suddenly interrupted by the hollow metallic ringing in his ear slits that instantly made him grow cautious, was it the Pure Ones raiding the cave? Had they finally found Eve? And Ignite was defending her with his smithing tools? Throwing a steely glance at the darkening sky his gizzard twisted with deep dread before he spread his hawk like wings and took off hastily from the spiny treetop, leaving it to rock in the bitter air. Spiralling his way down he glided gracefully, curving tightly around the board tree in tighter and tighter circles. With the shape of the cave insight through the fog he threw his densely feathered legs out in front of him, touching down on the wet loose gravel his light polished nickel claws clinked with dread continuing to roll up inside his gizzard. Warily trying to peer through the fog he tried to within visual distance of inside the cave without getting too close to be spotted or heard, silently creeping forward he made sure not to make a single sound from his claws.

Eve in anticipation watched Zoltus's clouded figure prudently step forth through the mouth of the cave and out from the thick veil of mystifying fog that quickly washed of his grey plumage and dissipated into the warmer air. Nippily glancing around him tensely he noticed only Eve and Ignite where in the murky cave with no other owls, sighing in relief his feathers and gizzard settled. The way Zoltus had walked into the cave made Ignite throw a puzzled look at him with one of his dark ear tufts stood on end. Still a little bit edgy Zoltus roughly shook his lightly dew covered feathers causing the crystal like droplets of icy water to fly in all directions, landing on the parched soot the limestone quickly absorbed it.

"What is going on in here?" asked Zoltus, his gaze switched from Ignite to Eve and back to Ignite.

Ignorantly pealing his gaze away from Zoltus Ignite briskly swiped his bucket up from the stony soot covered floor with his talons clacking against the bumpy nickel surface. Placing the bucket down upright on the floor he sighed before looking over his wing back at Zoltus.

"Eve woke up. That's what," apathetically said Ignite looking over at Eve who fearfully wilfed, "Oh come 'on, get off there!" complained Ignite ruggedly waving his left wing at Eve.

Eve then hopped off Ignites cold anvil and walked with her head down depressingly towards Zoltus without uttering a single word from her beak. Pressing herself against Zoltus's fluffy plumage Zoltus softly patted her on the back with his left wing.

"Alright!" boomed Ignite breaking the awkward silence within the dingy cave, gruffly ruffling his feathers up black soot took off into the still foggy air, "I am off," he continued, picking up the hammered metal handle of his bucket with his dark beak and toddling over to the entrance, passing Zoltus and Eve.

"Where are you going?" innocently asked Eve turning her almost down-less head around to look cutely at Zoltus for answers.

Placing the bucket down on the floor Eve could clearly see it was half her height, "Goin' to collect coals young'un."

Curiously stepping forward she peered over the edge and then inside the unpolished bucket which had burn marks on the wall, "Can I come?" she sweetly asked as her voice echoed off the thin uneven metal walls of the bucket, inside her head her thoughts where far from sweet but envious because she thought that Ignite and Zoltus saw her as a burden just like her family.

Ignite sighed out of frustration as he looked over downheartedly at Zoltus for his help, he did not want to hurt Eve's feelings as he knew she was sensitive but he had to leave.

Zoltus churred softly in response, "No silly, you cannot go with him to collect coals, it is dangerous and you could get hurt. Also, you have just learnt how to use those wings of yours, maybe one day I can teach you the ways of Colliering," said Zoltus, his golden eyes lit up with pretend excitement.

Ignoring Zoltus Eve turned to Ignite and yearningly watched him pick up his bucket, "Heh, just a way to get away from me I see," spat Eve quietly,  All lies… all of it, all you ever wanted was for me to behave, to shut up. I will prove you both wrong one day, just wait and see, bitterly thought Eve.  

Zoltus quickly threw an apprehensive look at Eve grinning disturbingly at Ignite without her noticing before he looked away and waved a wing at Ignite wishing him good luck on his journey, "Gluaxspeed!"

Ignite waddled outside the cave with his bucket held by the handle in his worn charcoal beak, small droplets of water began to slowly form on the outside layer of his dense plumage and with each step he took the loose wet gravel crunched under his heavy frame. Casually stopping he placed his bucket down on the soggy grass padded ground before he calmly titled his head up to gaze deeply into the starry night sky surrounded by low level fog, the waxing gibbous moon could be seen subtly lighting the fine edges of the wispy clouds, he appreciated all the small things which most would take for granted. Inhaling the fresh night air his translucent third eyelids swept from the inside corner of his rich orange eyes diagonally across his crystal like cornea before he stretched out his broad wings, his mighty wingspan was almost twice the width of his cave.  Slamming down and wrapping his huge caramel feathered foot around the worn metal handle he took off into the darkness of the night with the bucket held swinging in his left foot.

As Eve stepped outside onto the wet gravel she looked up at the serene night sky, the millions of starts twinkled in her reflective eyes of obsidian as dark as the night sky. She felt that the darkness tonight felt as empty as her gizzard, she felt something open, a rift within herself, a missing space as empty as the void like dreams she kept having. What is this feeling? She questioned herself, she knew something within her had change, she felt herself become bitter and hateful as if the empty spaced had to be filed with something. She watched curiously as Ignite disappeared into the vast elusive distance.  Why do you never take me with you? Am I just holding you back? At least the Pure Ones want me with them. Eve thought mulling over; it was as if her mind began to tear down the middle and into two.  

----------//////////----------

Just off to the right of Ignites' inactive forge, behind a dense layer of dew covered ferns hid four steel and leather armoured tytos who all waited patiently behind a darkened tree in the dankness for their Captains word.  Captain Seleuko Alba, the leader of the squad was a tall dark barn owl whose eyes shaded by his spiked Y styled barbute rimmed with black where as hard as stones. He stood motionless in front of his inferiors peering between the hairy emerald green leaves, his icy gaze locked onto Eve with callous intent.

"Skylar," quietly called Seleuko to his young lieutenant, his voice was dry and broken due to an injury to his neck during the War of the Embers.

"Yes Captain?" merrily replied Lieutenant Skylar Alba as he stepped forth from behind the tree and to the left side of his captain.

Skylar was a much paler barn owl then his Captain and wore the same plated lemming leather cuirass and matte steel helmet but without the rim of black around the face opening.

Seleuko slightly turned his head to his subordinate without looking directly at him and explained, "The eagle has left for the forest fire in The Dry, just as General Arxcis had planned. Hopefully he will be captured by Tytoden's squad and brought back to the stronghold to face the High Tyto," paused Seleuko for a brief moment to think, "You and the others are to seize the little one. Execute the hawk if he gets in the way," coldly commanded Seleuko as a wicked smirk that slowly snuck across his pastel pink beak.

"Of course Captain," politely said Skylar with a gentle bow of his head before stepping back into the darkness and turning to face the others behind the moss coated tree, "It's time," he said simply.

The other two behind the tree where known as Privates Kai Castanops and Tytus Castanops, they were Tasmanian masked owl brothers. As they emerged out from behind the tree their charcoal and light chestnut plumages could be seen with their rich chestnut facial discs thickly rimmed with black, they wore the same plated cuirasses. Standing side by side they simultaneously gave Skylar an obedient nod with no emotion.

"You heard what the Captain said, now get out there and pin them both to the ground, make sure none of them escape, Seleuko and I will meet with you when you have Eve," said Skylar firmly pointing a wing towards Ignites cave, "Now go!"

With confident nods they both immediately took wing to the moist air, swiftly breaking through the veil of thick vegetation they soared into the misty clearing, passing the moon Kai emitted a long, bone chilling screech that raked through the empty, eerie clearing and echoed through the ocean of trees as a warning to all, Tytus soon followed suit.

Alarmed, Zoltus suddenly flung is body around in shock and instantly caught sight of the huge chestnut tytos gliding overhead, his old gizzard died within him as his eyes grew wide with terror, he could not believe his eyes. Eve gazing with empty eyes began to tremble with fear as she pressed up again Zoltus who wrapped his fleecy wing around her, holding her close Zoltus desperately tried to think of a way out to protect Eve, Why? Why have they come so soon? Zoltus thought to himself as his body tensed and dug his claws into the ground, he felt helpless.  

Leaning his head down toward Eve, he softly whispered into her ear slit, "Eve, you must hide, go to your nest and wait, I will fight both of these bad feathers myself," he then pushed Eve out from under his warm wing, "Go!"

Eve shaking in sheer fear started to break into a panicked run towards Ignites cave, trying to look back without stumbling over she caught glimpses of Zoltus shifting his feet in cased in deadly nickel to prepare himself to fight.   

Watching Kai meticulously he anxiously waited for him to come in to attack, but instead he flew right over his head laughing as he made a beeline for Eve running away for her dear life. Eve in a desperate run stumbled over the rough grass, franticly still trying to get away she began to push herself up to only stumble over again and again. Before Kai could swoop down on Eve Zoltus effortlessly hopped across the grass and covered her with his wings in an attempt to shield her from harm. Snickering evilly Kai swooped down on Zoltus with preying eyes thirsty for blood shaded by his ominous helmet. Throwing his long, fuzzy chestnut legs out in front of him he extended his double-hinged retractables of death with a swift metal 'ching', they glimmered in the darkness before burrowing deep into the soft flesh of Zoltus's back, blood quickly began to pool in the wound.

"You Guardians are so weak!" cackled Kai, pushing his claws in further.

Shrieking out in sheer agony every muscle in Zoltus's upper body contracted which forced him to pull his wings back and uncover Eve before toppling backwards. Frolicking about he tried to shake Kai off him but was unsuccessful due to Kais' claws being hooked deeply into his flesh. Out of pure spite Kai pulled him away from Eve cowering on the ground, laughing with sadistic joy he tore his blood drenched claws out from Zoltus's upper back and tossed him away. Landing softly next to Eve he gently pushed her face into the wet ground with his turned in claw.

"Without a fight, that's good young one. You are learning already unlike that pathetic excuse of an owl," said Kai pleased.

Tumbling across the grass Zoltus disappeared into the heavy fog out of view from Eve, laying still on his back with his wings awkwardly spread out he hear his own blood rain down all around him, slowly the searing pain set into his wound and nape, he hold body began to feel limp and distant.

Lifting her head up under Kais' claw she looked into the fog where she could hear his racing heartbeat, "Zoltus!" she cried before Kai softly pressed her head back down with his claws dripping with fresh blood.

Hearing Eves cry for help Zoltus used what strength he had left to push himself up from the ground onto his shaky legs numb from pain; his dorsal plumage was covered in his own blood and dew from the grass, "Eve!" he called out weakly as he began staggering through the fog, "I am coming for you!"

Desperately trying to get to Eve as fast as he could his vision began to blur out of focus. Don't yeep, don't yeep, not now! He thought fighting to stay conscious. Then suddenly from out of the gloom he heard a throaty screech, from which side he could not tell. All he felt was a pair of razor sharp claws pick him clean off the ground and dig into his neck and carry him further away from Eve, her whimpering, heartbeat and breathing slowly faded into the mist as so did his consciousness after Tytus slammed him hard into the ground. Softly chuckling to himself Tytus stepped off Zoltus's blood covered body giving him a disgraceful scowl before walking towards Eve with a fiendish grin across his beak. Stiffly turning hear head under Kais claws Eve looked between the lush green blades of grass at Tytus's rich chestnut  figure walking through the moist ghost like fog. She could no longer hear Zoltus's heavy, irregular breathing or panicked heartbeat, her gizzard quickened with dread. Was he dead?

"Kai, the cowardly Guardian flew away," snickered Tytus with Kai joining in shortly after.

Tytus then looked down at Eve with Kais battered claw wrapped around her small auburn head, "He flew away like a true coward, a true Guardian, he wasn't interested in saving you but only his own tail feathers, he couldn't give two pellets about you."

Aimlessly staring into the endless fog Eve's dark eyes grew wide with horror, her gizzard twisted in to a painful knot of hatred, tears of betrayal quickly rolled down her fine feathered face like dew on a blade of grass. Zoltus, I always knew you didn't care, no one ever did.

Then ominously out from of the fog Seleuko's slim, dark buff figure silently landed next to Eve, Skylar following shortly behind, "Good job," he said pleased.

Kai and Tytus side by side saluted them by slightly bowing their heads before Seleuko sharply snapped his head to look down on Eve whose eyes watched him carefully filled with tears, "You are a tyto are you not?"

Eve silently nodded without hesitation, her eyes did not move from Seleuko who waved his wing at Kai, ordering him to get off Eve. Kai gently lifted his foot up from gripping Eves head and placed it back softly on the damp ground.

"Up," simply said Seleuko watching Eve cautiously push herself up from the ground and stand to her full height to face Seleuko, "Come with us and we will show you your true potential," he said passing his wing to Eve, "Prove to them as a superior species that they were all wrong, so when you see them again they will cower under you as we take back what is rightfully ours."

"Gladly," darkly said Eve with a graceful bow of her head, looking up she looked at Seleuko with a fiery glint in her dark, glossy eyes, "I will not let you down."
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SH9DOW's avatar
:star::star::star::star: Overall
:star::star::star::star::star: Vision
:star::star::star::star::star: Originality
:star::star::star::star-half::star-empty: Technique
:star::star::star::star::star-empty: Impact

What a wonderful read this was! To start, your use of imagery was superb, and gives the reader a crystal clear picture of what is happening, the appearance of the characters, as well as the emotions and mood of the scene. Here is a perfect example:

"His bold, heavily barred feathers gently shifted in the light breeze and lit up against the fiery tones of the looming twilight sky."

What a sentence! That right there is an example of superb writing! Sentences like these were a common experience in my read of this chapter, and I was thoroughly impressed with the detail and vividness of your work. More importantly, the story flowed and was not a "jagged" mess of ideas shoved together. Structurally, the chapter was sound.

As for the plotline itself, I loved the depth you provided concerning the characters. Every aspect of their physical and emotional nature seemed to be portrayed in your writing. Such attention to detail is superior! Not only that, but you did not bog the reader down with information; in other words, you fit the descriptions within the writing so they continued to tell the story as they were describing the character, setting, etc. Ignite and Eve were my favorite characters in the end. And though the reading was a bit dry after a while (it seemed a little uneventful), it picked up as I continued to read, which is always reassuring.

When it comes to problems that I saw, there were three main issues: passive voice, dialogue, and redundancy. Speaking in the passive voice is not necessarily grammatically incorrect, but it is considered "inappropriate" in writing because it tends to be wordy, vague, and even confusing at times. For example:

-- Ignite looked despondently up at Zoltus with his grey feathers swaying lightly in the cool breeze and paused for a brief moment to watch him ruminate, "I am," gravely said Ignite hesitating to talk, with a regretful sigh he tried to shake the absurd idea from his tense mind, "I am goin' to need to find some bonk coals, I ran out of'em a while back. I need'em to forge the claws an' only place I can get'em from tis' the dreaded Dry," earnestly said Ignite looking away ashamed of himself, sighing he never imagined himself making cold nickel weapons of death for a tiny fledgling who had just barely learnt how to fly, it was downright unspeakable. --

This paragraph, first, is a run-on. Try breaking this into two or three parts. Second, take the quote where you add the appositive: "gravely said Ignite hesitating to talk..." simply changing it to "Ignite said gravely, hesitating to talk..." makes the subject more clear and allows the sentence to flow. If you do not see why, consider this. The adjective "gravely" in the passive voice is the first concept introduced to the reader, and the subject does not appear until the middle, which is then followed by more descriptions of the manner Ignite is speaking. But moving away from the passive voice, the reader immediately sees that Ignite is the subject, and that his words have a grave tone and that he is hesitating while speaking. The passive voice just makes sentences less clear to the reader, which is why we avoid them.

An example for how the paragraph can be separated and avoid the passive voice is as follows:

Ignite looked up at Zoltus despondently, his grey feathers swaying lightly in the cool breeze, and paused for a brief moment to watch him ruminate, "I am," Ignite gravely began, hesitating to talk. With a regretful sigh, he tried to shake the absurd idea from his tense mind, "I am goin' to need to find some bonk coals, I ran out of 'em a while back. I need 'em to forge the claws an' only place I can get'em from tis' the dreaded Dry." Ignite sighed, looking away in shame, for he never imagined himself making cold nickel weapons of death for a tiny fledgling who had just barely learned to fly. It was downright unspeakable."

Mind you this is just one example of many variations you can come up with. On top of that, I would like to add you should try to avoid any variation of the verb "to be", and try to use specific, detailed verbs.

As for repeats, you had a few here and there, but that is solved through simple revision, so nothing major there.

Finally, the dialogue, at times, seemed "insincere." What I mean by this is that it didn't seem real, but know that this was only on a few occasions. Your dialogue overall was very well written, but there were some noticeable, awkward areas. For example:

"She will be killed by such owls if they ever came to here to take her away." The problem with this quote is two things: tenses and wordiness. You began in the present tense with "will" but finished in the past-tense with "came." It's an easy fix though. You could have also shortened it to something like, "She would be killed if they ever came to take her away," or, "She would be killed if such owls came for her."

And my final observation has to do with punctuation. Commas and periods are useful tools that prevent run-ons and keep sentences coherent. For example, and independent-clause like "Leaning his head down toward Eve," you should add a comma, and then continue so it reads, "Leaning his head down toward Eve, he softly whispered into her ear slit...."

TO THOSE READING THIS CRITIQUE: Don't let the length of this story, and even critique, deter you from this wonderful writing. It is a superbly written story that is original and entertaining. The writing and imagery was stupendous, and deserves praise more than anything.

TO THE AUTHER: Wonderful! Absolutely wonderful job! It was an amazing chapter, and I hope to read more in the future (as well as catch up a bit with the previous chapters). You've gotten my interest, and I want you to know that this is some impressive writing!